Progress!

It is amazing how far I have come in the past few years since my AH left. I look back on my life with him and I was not happy. My life was filled with chaos. I yelled at my kids all of the time... they were in the way of me trying to control his alcoholism. I hurt more than I think I will ever hurt again in my life. The pain I felt when he left me and the kids and how long it lasted was core shattering. But I did survive..... Yesterday, I had Thanksgiving with friends that told me stories of how sick my A-ex still is. I truly hurt for him and the situation he is in. He is in a relationship with another person who also loves the bottle. They fight and threaten the police on each other.... they have lost friends and no one wants to be around them. It is amazing when everyone around you sees how horrible things are going for you but you fail to see it for yourself. I wonder if my friends saw that when I was married to him. Even if someone would have spoken up I probably wouldn't have realized it and would have gotten very angry at them for pointing it out. I think that is probably where he is now. He thinks he is the happiest he has ever been (and maybe he is) but it is horrible looking from the outside.

My heart aches today for my ex. He is going to crash hard and it is inevitable if he doesn't want to take care of his problem. All I can do is pray for him. And I will do that.... I will always love him. He is the father of my children.